Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
