Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
