I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
