We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
