woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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