I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
