At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
