i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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