Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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