She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
