What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
