DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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