peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My vagina is very pro this idea
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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