Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
