cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize