Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
