my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
