So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
