I'm lost and stupid without you.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
