I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
