my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
