my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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