My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Sorry about my life...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
