just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize