why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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