she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
