I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize