I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I forget how to act sober
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
