He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
