should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize