i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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