oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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