Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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