she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
