Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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