Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Come see our sink grown plant.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
