they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
