so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
