Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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