just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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