so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
