You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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