Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
