I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
