Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
