someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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