I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
