Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
