Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He better not be in your backpack
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
