Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
