why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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