butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
