Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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