Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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