Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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