dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
