Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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