I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize