white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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