you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
