I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
