I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
