I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
