When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's never too late to be topless.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
