It's Friday. Sex?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
