Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
