dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
