I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
