Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
