STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Randomize
