I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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