I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
two words...techno handjob
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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