the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
