I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Randomize