I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
