I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
