i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
