i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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