there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
