Porn is love you can see.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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