Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize