If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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