What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
