I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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