what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
should my penis look like a turkey
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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