I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
