In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
