ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
